Lots happening around here. All Souls begins it’s weekly gathering at our house this Sunday. I’ve missed this regular, disciplined form of community. I need it. I really need it. Wyatt and Seth received a couple new games for Christmas, and we’re learning them. I’m currently the reigning champion of Blokus.
I’m trying to figure out where I want to go next with writing. After more than 5 years, I’ve finished my gig @ Relevant – and I’ve pushed Holy Curiosity out of the nest. I have a few small projects going, but right now it’s pretty much just you guys and me, here on the ol’ blog. It has purpose to it, I’m wanting a break. But, also, I’ve felt stilted recently, tired. I’m sure it has shown. I’m eager to see my art take new shape and have fresh breath. I’m ready for some new life in the words.
Biggest of all, Miska and I are entering a new season. A few weeks back, we had a heart-to-heart where we both put voice to a feeling that was a little scary: we were both bored in our marriage. Not something you want to say. Not something you want to feel. But since that tough conversation, a spark has lit. We have turned our face toward one another again. I like where we’re going. We look at each other differently. We touch differently. We listen differently. We sit together on the couch differently.
And one more thing – I am aware of a strong longing for this year to bring deep healing in me. I want to be more free, more full of love. I want to walk with lightness and joy – and strength. I want to see those around me. I want to be a better husband, dad, friend. I want to be a better man. This is a work God must do. But I have to open myself to it. I must stop flailing about. I must open myself to God’s ravaging love, his gaze penetrating into my shadowy corners.
Last night, I read these words from Richard Foster and they won’t let me go: If certain chambers of our heart have never experienced God’s healing touch, perhaps it is because we have never welcomed the divine scrutiny.
Well, I am welcoming divine scrutiny. I probably don’t know what I’m asking for, but in faith and hope, I ask anyway. Anyone with me?