Posted on

Divine Scrutiny

Lots happening around here. All Souls begins it’s weekly gathering at our house this Sunday. I’ve missed this regular, disciplined form of community. I need it. I really need it. Wyatt and Seth received a couple new games for Christmas, and we’re learning them. I’m currently the reigning champion of Blokus.

I’m trying to figure out where I want to go next with writing. After more than 5 years, I’ve finished my gig @ Relevant – and I’ve pushed Holy Curiosity out of the nest. I have a few small projects going, but right now it’s pretty much just you guys and me, here on the ol’ blog. It has purpose to it, I’m wanting a break. But, also, I’ve felt stilted recently, tired. I’m sure it has shown. I’m eager to see my art take new shape and have fresh breath. I’m ready for some new life in the words.

Biggest of all, Miska and I are entering a new season. A few weeks back, we had a heart-to-heart where we both put voice to a feeling that was a little scary: we were both bored in our marriage. Not something you want to say. Not something you want to feel. But since that tough conversation, a spark has lit. We have turned our face toward one another again. I like where we’re going. We look at each other differently. We touch differently. We listen differently. We sit together on the couch differently.

And one more thing – I am aware of a strong longing for this year to bring deep healing in me. I want to be more free, more full of love. I want to walk with lightness and joy – and strength. I want to see those around me. I want to be a better husband, dad, friend. I want to be a better man. This is a work God must do. But I have to open myself to it. I must stop flailing about. I must open myself to God’s ravaging love, his gaze penetrating into my shadowy corners.

Last night, I read these words from Richard Foster and they won’t let me go: If certain chambers of our heart have never experienced God’s healing touch, perhaps it is because we have never welcomed the divine scrutiny.

Well, I am welcoming divine scrutiny. I probably don’t know what I’m asking for, but in faith and hope, I ask anyway. Anyone with me?

8 thoughts on “Divine Scrutiny

  1. You know I am. And I’m excited.

  2. There is much life coming forth in your words – new hope, a fresh breath, open arms. And that will continue to be my prayer and hope for you – openness in arms, heart, and spirit.

  3. scrutiny. a close examination…. an invitation for divine scrutiny is laying yourself bare for God’s call to anything. i love it.

  4. The amazing paradox here, is that after the divine scrutiny, disclosure, embarrassment? of shadowy whatever — as believers, God looks us in the face, seeing the righteousness of Jesus, and says “I love you, you are most precious to me. You are wonderful!” First absolutely humbling – fall on your face type humbling, then exalting in Christ. WOW

  5. Win,
    I’ve enjoyed wandering around your blog. Made a transition into urban ministry and church planting this year. If you get a chance, peek at my blog http://newsciontist.wordpress.com/ and our website http://www.riverbendonline.org/.
    God bless,
    Shad

  6. Winn,

    I’m glad for the new season you’re entering. It is good to know we live this life in seasons. It reminds us how to live in hope in the down seasons, and breath deep every moment of the joyous seasons. I Look forward to hear the words that take root in this new one.

    Peace.
    Austin

  7. We got Blokus, too. I am the reigning champion as well. Of course, I didn’t tell Stuart the object until half way through – but I think I still would have conquered no matter what! And I think you and Miska are very brave to open yourselves up to the truth behind those words, to press forward, to seek excitement, beauty and grace.
    Grace and peace to you,
    Shannon

  8. The last few paragraphs remind me of a book that I just finished today: “The Sacred Romance.” I don’t know if that’s the language that you wished to mirror, but it’s definitely paralleled.

words have a way of making friends. drop a few here.