Halfway

I’m something like halfway. Today, the calendar flips to 40. There’s that moment in every good novel when you’re mid-through, the pages to the left as thick as the pages to the right. And you pause. You sigh deep for the story that won’t let you loose, resting to breathe in the words and characters and memories before you eagerly dive into the long second stretch. This is that moment in the story of my life.

I’m grateful for the place I find myself. I’m in love with the woman who owns my heart. I have two boys who are going to be good men in this world. I’ve learned what true friendship looks like. I even think I’m on my way to learning what I’m about – what I love (and what makes me roll my eyes), where I’m eager to give energy (and what I simply don’t have time for). I’ve learned more of the questions worth asking – and yes, a few answers to the questions I’ve long been asking. Added years brings fewer words but more tears, less BS but more fire. With age, you learn it’s ok to shrug and walk away. I’ve got plenty of time to putter, but no time to dink around with another man’s fight or another man’s dream. If you’re pushing ego, you’ve lost my interest. But if you’re dealing with life, I’m on your team.

And I’m hopeful for where I’m heading. I plan to walk slower and watch closer and get misty-eyed more often. I want to call friends for no reason and kiss Miska for every reason and make space for stories – because stories are the language able to carry the weight of our life. I want to be generous. I want to stop and chat with the trees more often. I want to drink more tea – on the balcony, at sunset, with Miska. I’ve found brotherhood with a few good men — I’ll be sticking with them. I want to craft words that are true to the way I see things, even if what I see is foggy or foolish. I want to keep telling Wyatt and Seth who they are. I want to be a lover.

11 responses to Halfway

  1. I love the line: "fewer words but more tears, less BS but more fire." Yes! And I love who you are, my love.

  2. My favorite is "If you're pushing ego, you've lost my interest. But if you're dealing with life, I'm on your team." Amen, brother. And Happy Birthday!!

  3. this is beautiful, Winn. Happy Birthday!

  4. Whenever I read your words my heart feels the call of discipleship, the desire to tread in your footsteps and be shaped by your wisdom and character. I count myself very lucky that I have had that opportunity.

    Thank you.

  5. I'm interested in hearing more about the first half of your novel/life and looking forward to our family being part of the second half. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Scott J. Pearson November 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Here's to less ego and more life! Congratulations, friend, on reaching this milestone. Keep sharing.

  7. Good to have you on the other side of the fence now…its slower over here and the language is rougher…I love it.

  8. Keep being who you are. You helping me be who I am. I'm interested in the second half of the book. Keep telling your story….Happy Birthday.

  9. Kerry Miller-Whalen November 19, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Hey, Happy Birthday, Winn – Sounds like 40 is a good place to be!! :)

  10. Thank you, each of you. I'm walking into this decade with open eyes and ears, open heart.

  11. I love these words and the heart behind them. Happy birthday to you, my friend. In the words of Bernard of Clairvaux – Sapientia Sapor Boni ~ it is wise to savor what is good. May there be more wisdom, more savoring, and more goodness in all that is to come. Cheers to you!

words have a way of making friends. drop a few here.